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Bridal Gowns Wedding Dresses - brideamerica.com

Week 3:  Advice From All Around

12/10/2016

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MARRIAGE ADVICE FROM EVERY DIRECTION

A newly engaged young woman will hear marriage and relationship advice everywhere she goes. Some of this advice is sought after, some freely given and some is just down-right not welcome. Of course, the best thing to do is smile, thank them for the “advice” and move on with your life and wedding plans. Since I work in a hospital I am exposed to MANY different kinds of relationships and marriages. Even before I was engaged I would ask older couples about their key to a successful marriage. Some are sweet and easily taken to heart, the best advice I have received is to always respect one another no matter the difference in the opinions you have. Another great piece of advice is don’t let your marriage fall to the back-burner, always remember you are in love and you have this amazing person you get to spend the rest of your life with. You get to hang out with them on a daily basis which just makes everything more fun. The most important advice to having a successful marriage is to always have each other’s back and keep a strong front. Your families will always wish well but only YOU know if you have made the right decision. These are all key elements to a successful marriage. Some couples gave me advice that made me somewhat sorry I’d asked... One woman told me to spend A LOT of time apart (seems counterproductive to me). Another said to “train him” early (um…my future husband is not a dog); and the piece I get most often that I can’t stand is “just don’t get married”. Ever.

I understand marriage is not going to be easy. It is going to have its ups and downs, good moments and bad moments, smiles and tears. Some people become so jaded from past marriages or witnessing a nasty divorce at a young age that they forget why people get married in the first place. Getting married is the one of the ultimate expressions of love. It is a leap of faith, it is exposing vulnerability and at it is, at it’s very core, trust. It is finding a best friend to experience life with. It will not magically fix an unhealthy relationship, it will not guarantee unwavering happiness and it certainly does not mean you will be married forever. All those things are determined by and only by the two people making the ultimate promise to one another. 


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SAVING SOME MULA ON YOUR BIG DAY

I have been searching for advice on everything from lighting to cake to music. As I have said before I want to keep a low budget and I want Tyler to have as much say as I do. I asked my best friend, Elizabeth, how she saved money at her wedding. She had 12 tables for which she hand made all of the centerpieces. She bought all the supplies from a dollar store and said it only cost her around $40 for everything. Putting effort and elbow grease into your wedding decorations will definitely save you a pretty penny. Centerpieces bought either online or from a store can range from $8 a piece to over $300.00!

Some other advice I received from a co-worker was to shop at outlet stores for a wedding dress. She and her husband were more interested in splurging on their honeymoon as opposed to having a giant wedding. She found a dress that was originally over $2,000 for $250 at an outlet bridal store. She paid $500 for the ceremony location and had the reception in her uncle’s backyard. They paid $500 for someone to make tacos at the reception (which I have thought about for my own wedding, I love tacos) and they got to keep all the left overs since they paid per person. She made the bouquets for her bridesmaids and the only one she paid to have made was her own.


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THE WEDDING GOWN DILEMMA AND TAMING OUR GUESTS

I'm definitely ready to start looking at some wedding gowns. The issue that I am running into is that yellow is not a very common color for wedding dresses. The problem that seems to keep coming up is that the dresses within my price range just look downright tacky. And besides that, everything that I could picture myself in is way out of my price range. Another issue altogether is that so many dresses are strapless and let’s just say I don’t have the “assets” to keep it up and pull off the strapless look. Another potential obstacle is that I like to have a bit of sparkle to my look whether it’s on the dress or some jewelry I find. Tyler is not a huge fan of the “bling” look; it takes focus off of me as a person (and bride) and puts it right on the twinkling of whatever I am wearing. Obviously we need to compromise on this. The only thing I want him to be blinded by is tears as I walk down the aisle, not by what I’m wearing. So, in that case I think I’m going to have to start looking for some flashy shoes! Whatever I decide I know Tyler will think I look gorgeous and that is what really matters to me. I have been looking at some champagne colored dresses just in case.
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I told one of my supervisors today that I am looking forward to being married, not just the wedding day. Too many people (not just women) are hooked on the idea of the perfect wedding. I obviously would like everything to go as planned but as most people know that is not how life works. Therefore, this is the advice I have taken to heart; this is the advice I am (hopefully) going to follow on my wedding day: 1. No phones/cameras/iPads or anything that will obscure Tyler’s vision when I walk down the aisle (don’t worry, we are paying someone to take pictures). I have read too many stories from heartbroken grooms that couldn’t see their wife in that very important moment. 2. Do not let ANYONE influence your guest list. A wedding invitation is not a tit-for-tat situation. You should invite who you want to be there. 3. Have fun, it’s YOUR day! Act like it (gracefully).
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Week 2: Decisions, decisions…

11/17/2016

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Now that we have the ring, it is time to plan! The dress? The cake? The location? These and so many more details that need planning. Tyler and I are NOT very traditional so I know we’re not going to have a church, a white dress or a big bill…hopefully. I began to think about the color of the dress and I have settled on yellow. Yellow is defined as relating to acquired knowledge, uplifting, illuminating and offering hope; what I think are qualities of any good marriage. It also represents happiness, cheeriness and fun; perfect for one of the most memorable days of our lives.

My dream dress is pale yellow with lace with off the shoulder long sleeves. Very flowy and lengthwise I imagine just above the knee. If I cannot find one with long sleeves, then I think I would like to have wrist length lace gloves; I don’t know yet if they will be the same color as the dress. If not, they will probably be white with white shoes or my other wedding color which I think might be red. But there is, of course, a good chance that I will change my mind. The reason I picked yellow as my dress color is because it holds a special meaning for the two of us. He loves how I look in yellow and he tells me every time how beautiful I look every time I try something yellow on. I bought a beautiful yellow dress at a 2nd hand shop down in O.B. for $12. I told Tyler I’d like to save it for our upcoming anniversary. He agreed and we decided I wouldn’t wear it until our 2nd year anniversary which was in a couple months. The big day came and suddenly I noticed a big stain on the front of the dress right before we went out to dinner (ya, make sure you look at clothes in the light before you buy them 2nd hand) the way the dress was pleated it, luckily, wasn’t too noticeable. He proposed to me in my stained, 2nd hand, pretty yellow dress and it was perfect. I think details like that make everything more interesting…and special. I haven’t started looking for my dress yet but I am setting my budget at $100! I know it’s not much but I believe it is better starting to save for our lives together rather than spend a boat load of money on something I’m most likely only going to wear for 1 day. I am going to start looking at dresses soon but I doubt I’ll be buying anything for at least a few months.

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It’s time to think about where we would like to have our wedding. Originally, I thought I would love to have a wedding in the snow…but then I remembered I’m a San Diego born and raised wuss who can barely handle the thermostat dropping below 65 ͦ. Plus, yellow and snow? No. So, my wonderful fiancé has the idea of having a small ceremony on a boat and having a reception afterwards. I said I would like to have it on a lake; I think it would be perfect to have it on a lake (the boys can all go fishing afterwards as per my fiancé’s request). Then afterward have a fun party with all our friends and family in a cool lake house that we can stay in for a couple days after. I think this is a perfect plan so hopefully this will be our final decision on the location. Except of course where that location actually is. It has to be somewhat close so it won’t be a hassle for guests to travel but somewhere that’s not too expensive. Definitely going to have to do some research on that one. I think our maximum budget is going to be around $5000. I have no idea if that is a doable budget but I think we can make it work if we just put effort into finding inexpensive and creative ways to make it a beautiful day. I would like to have the ceremony at sunset and tons of white lights around during both events. Lots of music, fun and of course- an open bar.
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I thought about having a kind of a monitored kids table that has games and activities. I’d like to hire a couple of people (probably a couple of friends’ teenagers) to watch and entertain kids so that the parents can have a good time and not have to worry about watching their kids. I think it would be nice for parents to be able to really relax and have fun. That’s when we’ll bust out the tequila shots, karaoke, and the video cameras! I really just want to throw a big and fun party; I’ll have to start thinking of some themes. I need something more than just wedding colors, I want fun props and lots of pictures. One of my friends had a photo booth at her reception so that might be a good idea (as long as it is within the budget). One of the things I am really excited to do it pick out our wedding song. The song that always makes me think of Tyler is Like I’m Gonna Lose You by Meghan Trainor ft. John Legend. I absolutely love that song but Tyler and I will decide together. I would also like to do a fun salsa/swing dance. Today I showed Tyler a song I’d like to dance to but that is going to be a surprise.
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The wedding day is just as much about the groom as it is the bride; too many women lose sight of that. I never want to take him for granted especially not on the day that symbolizes the start of our lives together. I just want my wedding to be remembered as fun and entertaining, not stressful and something people didn’t enjoy. All weddings will have something go wrong at the last minute; rather than freak out and feel the whole experience is ruined, you have to see it as an opportunity. If it can be solved, you and your future spouse can fix it together. If it is not something that can be fixed, like the weather, you just have to roll with it and make it part of your beautiful love story. I, for one, can say that if it rains on my wedding day I’d rather play in a puddle than cry in the mud.
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Week 1: Timing is Everything

11/15/2016

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​For Tyler and I— it was not love at first sight. We went to the same conventional high school and had one class together where we sat across from one another. We were both a bit on the delinquent side; I used to sell him rolled cigarettes for .25¢ a pop. He was outgoing, a bit of a class clown, shaved head, tattoos, and beautiful baby blues. How could I not have a crush on him? But, as life so often teaches us, timing is everything. We both left the traditional high school system our sophomore year. We ended up going to the same charter school for our last 2 high school years but since the program only required us to go to school two or three times per week, we never ran into each other. I did, however, run into my now best friend who I had previously gone to school with; we just happened to live about a mile away from each other. I was a bridesmaid in her wedding last August. It would still be another 4 years before Tyler and I actually became Tyler and I.

​Then on October 8th 2014 I got a random Facebook message from a guy I went to high school with and hadn’t talked to in years… “Amber  lets kick it it’s been awhile”. We exchanged numbers and on the 14th my best friend was over and I invited Tyler to chill and have a couple drinks with us. When we met up we had that instant connection that so many people hope for. We all hung out, had a few drinks, and watched a couple movies. From that day on we were as close to inseparable as two people can be. We figured out early on that this was it, this is my person, I don’t care what it takes; I WILL be with this person no matter what. It’s truly amazing when you find that person who is on the exact same track as you. I do believe opposites can attract but you obviously need to have common interests. Tyler and I are the most similar opposite people you will ever meet; he likes onions (I hate them), I like tomatoes (he hates them), I stay up late and he wakes up early, I draw blood for a living and he gets queasy around it. On the similar side we are both very affectionate towards each other, we both despise country music, and love Mexican food. We both have a love for adventure, nature and enjoy being spontaneous but also love having a quiet, predictable night in. His mom has said having a conversation with me feels like she is talking to Tyler in someone else’s body. We started talking about getting married, having kids, all that good stuff. For our first year anniversary we had a romantic candlelit dinner of Trix and Lucky Charms; it was absolutely perfect. We are a simple couple made up of complicated people.
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This year, our second anniversary was a little fancier. In the weeks leading up to our anniversary I began to suspect this one would include a very special event. Tyler attempted to keep it under wraps but apparently he is not a very sly person. He asked me a few times to get my ring size checked which is pretty suspicious but I got it checked, told him and moved on. About 2 weeks later he got a letter in the mail and he was unsure what it was for. I was pumping gas and he asked me to look at it but he had neglected to read the front of the paper which is exactly what he showed me; I started reading it. First line I read was “Thank you for opening an account at Robbins Brothers…” Uh-oh. I quickly turned to put the pump away and replace the gas cap. I acted like I saw nothing and I said nothing to him…but you can definitely be sure I told all of my co-workers about it!

Now for the big day; October 14th 2016 we rented a hotel room and decided to go out for a nice dinner at a laid back restaurant in Old Town that had some killer drink specials. I figured that is where he would propose to me. Nope. We just had a few drinks, some chicken enchiladas and we left. We then decided to go over to Balboa Park and do some walking around. Bingo. Unfortunately nature was calling me and it was pretty urgent. With the bathroom locked and no others in sight we decided to head back to the hotel. We got back and Tyler took my hand and told me to sit down on the bed. As he stood in front of me he told me how much he loved me and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. He said he hadn’t wanted to do this in a hotel room and then he got down on one knee. I was (surprisingly) in shock and of course when I realized he was proposing I started crying like a baby. He opened the box, the kind with the light inside, and I saw the most beautiful ring I have ever laid eyes on. It was white gold with three small diamonds on either side and a dazzling floating diamond in the middle. I pulled him on the bed and hugged him as hard as I could. We sit up and he says “So is that a yes?” “Of course!” I say and he slips that little piece of love incarnate onto my finger. I have a marvelous time showing it to everyone of course; we have decided not to rush the planning and will probably have a yearlong engagement.

Since this is still so new we have very few plans established and we still have so many to make! What kind of dress? Do I go traditional? Be unique? These and so many more questions; I’m feeling a little overwhelmed just thinking about everything we need to do and so unsure about how to do it. There is one thing I am sure of though, as long as I am going through this (or anything) with Tyler it will eventually come together, just like us. The day will take a lot of planning and it may be stressful but we won’t lose sight of the fact that this is a celebration! Marriage is not just about the wedding day, the gown or the gifts. More than that it is about promising the most important person in your life you will never stop making an effort for them and trusting they will never stop making an effort for you. It is understanding that we may not always see eye to eye but we will always find a way to look past our problems and see the big picture. It is about finally finding that person who makes you truly excited to say I do.
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    By Amber Parfet

    Besides being recently engaged, Amber is a nurse and enjoys Mexican Food.

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